badge

Sunday, September 22, 2013

Cowgate



A meeting of the city council was in progress when the Secretary of the Environment  got up and moved to start the presentation.
‘Minister Sir, I am about to describe one of the most innovative approaches to save money and preserve our environment’. 
The camera zoomed and exhibited the lovely spectacle of the quiet flowing Siene and the lush green lawn adjacent to it and the towering Eiffel Tower in the backdrop! Next there was a sound of ‘meee…ow and a few sheep that jumped out of a van parked by the side. They ran out and in a few minutes were moving around freely and feasting on the tall shoots of the grass! ‘
What is so special about this, the Minister growled ‘don’t we see these sights everywhere’.
‘Sir, this experiment is being tried out in France’ to get rid of the lawn mowers and the accompanied noise’ the secretary remarked.
‘So what are you suggesting?’
‘Sir, we too have plenty of tall grass in our gardens all over the NCR so we could try with some cows to be grazed in the Lodhi Gardens, Ramlila grounds or even at India Gate. It would benefit in multiple ways, he continued… we need not then worry about the agitations that happen from time to time in these parks as the animals would serve as deterrence! In addition we can save on the water cannons we have to employ in such situations!  Also, the cow dung generated would serve as natural manure! You see all these benefits have been highlighted in the following slides! We could also get rid of hundreds of malis (gardeners) employed on contract and save a significant amount.  No better way to promote the tourism to an agrarian economy where even today almost 70% of the population resides…. He continued.
The final slide shows the Cost Benefit Analysis of the Scheme and the saving incurred annually, brought smiles to the faces of the listeners and even those who were opposed to the scheme from the word ‘go’! The rustic of the nearby colonies could easily accompany these cows to the Lutyen’s Delhi without worries of winning an election to stay near the bungalows surrounding these parks!
Mr Reasonable from the opposition group who was silent all the while got up and raised the din! What is the guarantee that the ‘cows will clear the lawns every evening? I have never seen the cows or for that matter even the bulls clearing from the roads even at wee hours from the roads in NCR when there is no grass to tempt them! Also, what is the assurance that cows will be persuaded to clear these lawns if the Tau’s themselves decide to protest and bring an unimaginable number of cows to these places! We can stop the crowds coming here en mass by cancelling the metro service but how can we stop the cows?  Lastly, we may never get to see the cows after six months of launch of the scheme if someone blows the lid of a scandal involving a scam in milking these cows dry by those who approved the scheme and also gobbling up the funds!

The  Minister after listening to the arguments decided to review the scheme later considering there were more important schemes to be launched in the pre election year and buried it to rest!

PS: Image Kind courtesy Google

53 comments:

  1. Wonderful!! I find this post hilarious or is it sarcasm? Anyway it is a fantastic idea to bring cows to India Gate and other VIP areas. What about a dozen or so cows sitting in the middle of the road at peak hours manipulating their next move!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks a lot Ushaji for having liked this post!Yes cows are so much an integral part of India!

      Delete
  2. What an idea Rahul! In fact cows along the roads are not an uncommon sight in India. Unfortunately now they are so used to eating paper posters of the walls that grass no longer lures them!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. True Jaishree, cows are certainly not uncommon sight! Cows have developed tastes for different things with changing times:)

      Delete
  3. An Inquiry Committee will be set up with 5 retired judges in the panel. The findings will be presented once everyone has lost interest in the project.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The oldies also need to be kept occupied and what better way than chasing the tails, till cows come home:)

      Delete
  4. What an innovative scheme Rahul.We are doing this in my city already.The only problem is that when people die of road accidents caused by cattle,the government has to pay compensation.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh so I am outdated as you have already witnessed this, Indu:) Getting compensation would surely be an uphill task!

      Delete
  5. Haa novel idea. And who can blame the cows huh? They have every moral right to be on the roads! Loved this post

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks a lot Bindu! Yes , cows have more rights than most of us:)

      Delete
  6. hahahah :D what an idea sir ji and the irony of the policies have been very clearly depicted in the post!!! good one rahul sir :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well that is how it appears decision making is done when we see a spate of decisions being taken in a hurry, Ramya:) Thanks a lot!

      Delete
  7. Wonderful post and loved your treatment of satire. Will look forward to read more!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hilarious. Our MLA's & MP's would in fact actually be presenting some such preposterous schemes, get funds allotted, create new scams and siphon off funds.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Don't we see how things happen and am sure decisions making is not too different:)

      Delete
  9. 'Lastly, we may never get to see the cows after six months of launch of the scheme if someone blows the lid of a scandal involving a scam in milking these cows dry by those who approved the scheme and also gobbling up the funds!'

    Laughing along with my husband, reading this! This can happen in India!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks to you and your husband Sandhya for having taken time off to read this! I am happy if this brought smiles:)

      Delete
  10. Good Lord! Even cows have the potential to give us a scam in India!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha ha... Shilpa! Touch anything with a barge pole and you will unearth a scam:)

      Delete
  11. Hehe, very good idea!:-)

    Wish you a blessed week!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Tania! Wish you a lovely week too!

      Delete
  12. Loved the subtle humor throughout Rahul, in cities like Bangalore all the cow gets to eat is plastic and paper, this would be a festival time for the cows to get to eat grass and they will get truly lucky!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Padmaja! Agree getting grass in metros is becoming a luxury to feat on by the cattle:)

      Delete
  13. Wonderful idea laced with humor and sarcasm :)

    ReplyDelete
  14. What a lovely idea, Rahul. Love the picture of the cow (she looks sexy ;) )

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks a ton Rachna! Ha ha... sexy cow... liked it:)

      Delete
    2. Rahul, the sexy cow has given me a wonderful idea for a short story (I just hope you don't want a part of the royalty ;) )

      Delete
    3. ... No worries... Rachna! You already copyrighted the word:)

      Delete
  15. Lovely writing sir. This just goes on to prove that the government are yet to rope in animals and birds and blame another scam on them. After all, all humans they know have been used up in some scam or the other.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Ashwini... in the season of scams can poor animals be spared of the human greed!

      Delete
  16. This sounds really amazing! I loved reading this.

    www.modernworld4.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Gina and nice to see you after a long break!

      Delete
  17. In spite of what Mr. Reasonable says, to actually see this scheme in implementation should be so interesting!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha ha ... agree Arti! You see so many such schemes in action already:)

      Delete
  18. This post smells of sarcasm. I will try to ignore it :-)

    I am not so sure if this actually happened in France. This seems a great idea if we can get the cows off the traffic while they are actually 'grazing'.

    My dad tells me some swami once suggested growing wheat or other crops in parks or gardens etc. Also, I read somewhere that in time of Indo-Pak war of 1965, Prime Minister Lal Bahadur Shastri made provisions for growing wheat on top of the his official residence

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It did happen in France KK! See the link www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-2202721.
      Yes we have a lot of possibilities including planting crops and vegetables in gardens!

      Delete
    2. The link did not work, but I searched around and it is true. Turns out there is some annual cattle fair or something and one time farmers protested by bringing their cows to graze there. Thanks for sharing.

      Delete
  19. LOL - love the photo of the cow!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good to see you back Ash! Oh ! quite a few have liked that cow, and one found it sexy too:)

      Delete
  20. Hahaha...What a brilliant idea, Rahul sir :P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Latha! Happy you liked the idea:)

      Delete
  21. Funny! Pre-election year is much happening year as always :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We will witness more fun during this pre election year, Kusum!

      Delete
  22. I think this type of policy is already unknowingly launched in South Africa, lol, we have cows everywhere but it is more of a problem than a solution, as the cows often stroll on the roadsides and cause many fatal accidents.Thanks for your kind words over at mine...hope you're having a great unwinding weekend!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha ha Sam! Lovely so things are not too different! We all see similar things at least in third world and Africa:)

      Delete