badge

Sunday, August 25, 2013

Parenting



Why is parenting considered so difficult in the modern times? I read a variety of blogs from people who are far more knowledgeable than me on this subject but as a part of process of evolution this should come by natural instinct. Those who have toddlers need support of the seniors at home as they are new to the game and cannot make out at times the reason for incessant crying of the baby is because of a stomach pain or having wet the diaper! Of course everyone keeps learning every day and there are no standard procedures that can be followed. The situations and circumstances are unique in every home hence there could be no thumb rules. Some homes have only a single child who gets all the attention and in other homes there are several kids seeking attention.. ‘One size does not fit all!’

Styles of parenting differ in different parts of the world. When a baby is learning to walk in Indian homes, most of the parents love to hold hands to teach the young one but one fall sends the whole household scampering to quieten the child who breaks out to as if he or she is running for the title of ‘Prince/ Princess of Wails’ ! In Mid East and especially in Israel the parents stand on the other side of the room and call the child to walk in their direction. Even if the child falls there are no tantrums and is encouraged to try again! The cultural differences are ingrained in the psyche from such a tender age. Once the school going begins, parents show extreme concern in dropping the child to the school gate, jumping red lights en route! In later years the children emulate their parents when they start driving and if they have not knocked down anyone till they have gone past the teenage years, become reckless drivers for rest of the lives.



Humans are the only species that want to hand hold their children forever regardless of whatever age they reach! It is not difficult to find overgrown ‘Guddi’, ‘Baby’,’Munna’ and ‘Chicko’! The names given with much affection at tender age become embarrassing sometimes for the individuals at a later day when they are addressed by these nicknames! The birds, animals and all natural species other than humans take care of their children till they learn to catch their own prey and hunt their own food! Once they can stand on their own feet none of these birds or animals tag with their children!

It is certainly important to learn from experience of others but more important is to nurture the children with love and care in formative years! Encouragement is necessary for pursuing hobbies that appeal to child. Each one has different interests and hence emulation of other children rarely serves a useful purpose. It is important to learn for the parents to ‘let go’ their children once they attain an age to make rational decisions themselves.

Some lovely quotes on parenting:

Always kiss your children goodnight, even if they're already asleep - H. Jackson Brown, Jr. 

“We may not be able to prepare the future for our children, but we can at least prepare our children for the future.”  Franklin D. Roosevelt

 “The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires.”  Dorothy Parker

PS- Images Kind Courtesy Google

66 comments:

  1. From what my parents tell me, I was one hell of a hell raiser in terms of crying. Especially at midnight.

    Taking a cue from your great quotes, here is something I read from a computer science blog, by a rather famous computer scientist, Peter Norvig:
    With all that in mind, its questionable how far you can get just by book learning. Before my first child was born, I read all the How To books, and still felt like a clueless novice. 30 Months later, when my second child was due, did I go back to the books for a refresher? No. Instead, I relied on my personal experience, which turned out to be far more useful and reassuring to me than the thousands of pages written by experts.


    I don't know what people think about parenting, but I worry about what kind of a parent I will make. Even half as good as my parents will do. And that is when I have a lot of regrets about the way they raised me! :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We all wish we had been better parents than what we have been ! Thanks a lot KK for citing the experience of Peter Norvig!

      Delete
  2. You are right, Rahul sir. Every country, every parent has their own style of parenting. And letting go of kids, we Indians never come out of it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Who knows better than you Latha and I look forward to read all your experiences from this perspective alone:)

      Delete
    2. You kept, rather left me thinking :)

      Delete
  3. Every child and every parent is different. Love must be the most important..I think:-)

    Hope you have a great time over there:-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Very true Tania! Every place, parent and child are unique but unconditional love runs across every where:)

      Delete
  4. It is a relief to know that parenting or raising a child does not have to be all "by the book". I agree that different countries have different ways to raise their own children. I myself am thrilled of starting out and being able to incorporate our culture into how I raise my child.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Welcome to my blog Janet and it is so good to learn from your your first hand knowledge! Thanks a lot for adding more luster to this humble post:)

      Delete
  5. Very well said, as parents we adopt different parenting styles and it also depends on our culture, religion, our own personality, family size, what we have learnt from our own parents, socioeconomic status, education etc. The parenting styles may differ even between a mother and a father... a mother may have authoritative parenting style while father may adopt a permissive approach. And all these impact children differently. Yes, letting go is something that we lack seriously!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Such a profound comment Shilpa! I nodded my head as I read through and am in full agreement with what you said! This is such a wide topic for discussion and I could just manage to touch the proverbial 'tip of the iceberg':)

      Delete
  6. Very well covered the aspects of parenting. The best part of it is when we become older and our kids grow up in to adults, we have ample time to introspect on our parenting, cherish the best parts, regret the mistakes that are never to be repeated ever!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. True Padmaja! It is never enough done when we look back and introspect and feel we could have done a few things better! This is what makes this experience every bit living through:)Thanks a lot!

      Delete
  7. Yes, I agree with you...it is better to have some elders when the children are too small. They might guide when to be too careful and when to ignore at times.

    My sons wanted to learn cricket, guitar, karate everything. We sent them to the classes. They enjoyed, that is all! They talk about them often now...about the classes!

    I loved all the quotes here, Rahulji!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A big thanks Sandhya and am happy I could find some of my thoughts finding resonance with some more learned parents!There could be no better reward for a parent than to hear from the child what all he/she enjoys for which you have contributed in a small way:)

      Delete
  8. Excellent post on this topic rahul sir, these days a normal process of conceiving has become so much so difficult and this makes the Baby priceless and Parents become over protective. Thus they forget that child no matter in what age it is needs its on space to learn things at its pace.
    Very well written and wonderful quotes too!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks a lot Ramya! I understand what you mean and I hope the young parents see their aspirations of raising children as they would like to see them grow:)

      Delete
  9. Simple thing like disciplining is way different in cultures . There are countries where yelling or spanking is an accepted way of parenting and there are those that resort to time outs . I have a relative who would say ' on the count of 3- 1 , 2 ' and before 3 her son would run to do what she said . I say that to my son and he would go on ' 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10' give me a grin and run off hi hi. Parenting is not easy but u learn what works best for u

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You can understand these things much better Jaishree to be staying in multicultural environment and seeing how different communities handle their own homes:) In such an environment parenting becomes even more daunting task!

      Delete
  10. Lovely quotes Rahul. I feel one is always wiser in hindsight. I tried to be a good parent but when I see new moms doing things differently, I wish I had another chance. Regardless, my son turned out to be a young man I am proud of. So no regrets.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I huge thanks Alka for such a nice comment!I too feel proud to have known an individual like you who has handled her home and writing so effortlessly and raised the bar:)

      Delete
  11. Nice post & beautiful quotes from eminent persons. I agree parents must know when to let go of their children.There was a time ( perhaps during stone age or Neanderthal man) when humans too taught their children to hunt for prey and catch their own food.Man has given up hunting long ago - there are hardly any animals in the wild to hunt. Man has made sure that many species have become extinct. Today's pampered children are given money to hunt for food in "Supermarkets" & Pizza Joints :).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha Ha Rama, this is indeed hitting the nail on the head! The young ones throng to multiplexes and eating joints as if there will be no tomorrow:)Thanks a lot!

      Delete
  12. Rahul this a very thought provoking post. Actually parenting is now very difficult as compared to the times when we were small. Those days people had five or six children. Even before the elder one learnt to walk, next one was born. I some times wonder how we all grew(we are five).Now a days with one or two children parents have also become more cautious and want their child to excel in every thing.New age parenting requires more patience and better handling of a child. I hope I have not deviated from the line of thought mentioned in your brilliant post The quotes are really extraordinary. Loved reading them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A beautiful comment indeed Ushaji and what you say would appear to be a story to present generation. Considering the fact that the parents did not push the children to their limits from infancy like the present generations, we do not seem to have done too badly:) Thanks a lot!

      Delete
  13. What I don't like is over pampering. Prepare the child for the world out there. I think the Israel's way of teaching how to walk is best, in a way it's preparing to learn from your own mistakes and face your own problems. Thought provoking read.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Exactly Saru! The parents must give the children everything to fulfill their ambitions without going overboard!Learning from each fall and own mistakes is the only way to come out shining in whatever one pursues:)

      Delete
  14. Rahul parenting today is vastly different from what it was 20-30 years ago and it is more difficult too because children today are exposed to myriad influences very early in the day.This transpires once the child starts going to school or out of home to play.Sometimes these influences clash with the family values but the child wants to go along with his peers.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree with you Indu and this is the best part about life to keep reinventing with time:)Striking a balance is like walking on the razor's edge sometimes!

      Delete
  15. In the end its just the love what matters i believe. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Unconditional love in raising children and setting the right examples to follow at home, agree with you Sunakshi!

      Delete
  16. Yes. I totally agree with you Rahul Sir.
    Styles of parenting can different depending on cultural differences.occupasional environment and other such factors. I had written a post about the similar topic as well "building blocks". that's what I could feel while reading your post as well. no matter how different the style is. no matter how strict or lenient the parents are. they certainly are the building blocks of our habits, which certainly reflects in out personality and character..:)
    nice post..:) <3d it..:)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Very true, Jemina the learning and inculcation of habits early in childhood are the building blocks! Do send me the link to your post as I would love to read it too:)

      Delete
    2. http://atblink.blogspot.in/2013/02/building-blocks.html
      its been a while since I wrote that post and you have commented on the same as well.
      :)

      Delete
    3. OK thanks! Yes I recollect after reading now:)

      Delete
  17. I don't know why we have classes on "The Art Of Parenting" - it's not like there is one formula that fits all...As a counselling psychologist, I find it very perplexing when people ask me how they can be good parents and what they should do with their child - then there are times when I feel there should be schools for parents; esp. when a child comes to me for counselling and I discover the problem is not the child but the parents.....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Divya there are all kinds of people and this is no surprise!So you know about these things much more. Happy to get the views if an expert:)

      Delete
  18. Love that last quote! And so true - we need to nurture our children so that they carry all the good values in their hearts when they go out into the world.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Absolutely true...Lady Fi! Thanks a lot!!

      Delete
    2. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
  19. I blame our obsession for doing everything right and expecting nothing but perfection from our kids!

    Like you said, parenting is more instinctive than an acquired skill.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. True Purba! The natural growth process gets hindered with too much expectations.

      Delete
  20. Hi Rahul, I agree that only the humans are obsessed about their children until the children grow old. While the birds and animals leave their young ones to fend for themselves.

    I also agree that the nick names can be a pain. Guddu and Munna may become 70 year old grandparents, but they will still be called Guddu and Munna.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks a lot Rachna to have resonance of thoughts:)

      Delete
  21. Whatever style may be, but it should bring up happy children. Nice post.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha Ha Kusum! Proof of the pudding is in eating, agree:)

      Delete
  22. we cant compare animals with human beings..but yes over protective parents bring up hyper and nervous children..everything needs balance..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. True we cannot compare the animals with humans but you have answered what happens with over protection yourself:) Thanks a lot Renu!

      Delete
  23. Parenting is all about instincts as you pointed out as well as an openness to move beyond our own prejudices. And there can never be one formula fits all. I think parenting is the toughest 24X7 job in the world that is also the most fulfilling. There is no greater joy than to bring up well-mannered good citizens!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am happy to get comments from one of the most profound parenting expert in blog world!This is indeed one of the most joyous duty to raise children who can face the challenges of the world! Thank you Rachna!

      Delete
  24. As a child grows, even the parents grow. Everyday is a new experience for them in their new role. As for parents, their kids will always be their kids no matter what :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The process of evolution does not stop, Ashwini! Indeed kids remain same for the parents no matter what:)

      Delete
  25. Hi Rahul, this was such an interesting read, as I know nothing about parenthood. I had no idea how different it must be raising a child in all parts of the globe, even the simplest of lessons carry so much significance. The most important thing to me would be to bring up kids with good morals and values. Have a great Friday!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks a lot ,Sam for getting a perspective on parenting though you are still to reach that milestone:)It is always good to get all the positive vibes that you send through your posts and thoughts you share:) Have a lovely weekend!

      Delete
  26. So well said. I guess letting go is the hardest specially for mothers sometimes.
    www.thoughtsofpaps.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Asamptha! Agree to what you said:)

      Delete
  27. I know I know but, Rahul, parenting is the best experience a human being can do! I can't help it but I want to cuddle my little boy until he's 90 ys old!
    Don't Call Me Fashion Blogger
    Facebook
    Bloglovin'

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Francesca! Most of us feel that way only:)

      Delete
  28. Hi,
    Our children have grown up but I feel like taking care of them.
    I also think (it is important to learn for me to "let go " our children.)
    Franklin roosevelt's quote is nice.
    Thank you for sharing such good theme. Have a nice day!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A huge thanks Sarah for liking the post!

      Delete
  29. I love reading about the cultural differences we exhibit in doing the same thing, in this case, the upbringing of children. Too much attachment is not true love and a good parent is always aware of when and where to draw the line. So many wonderful points to ponder over in this post, great read.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Arti thanks that you liked to read the differences in ways of upbringing in different cultures:)

      Delete
  30. Parenting is indeed a tough job, we all make mistakes in our enthusiasm, but we also correct ourselves. I think we are much better parents, than our own parents, for we have grown up to be different and more understanding than they were to us and our needs. That is because they grew up like that, the era in which they grew up was totally different.
    We will also be better grand parents, and not be like some grad parents very dominating, insisting: "their way is the only way to bring up kids".
    We were more free with our children and with grand children we would be more understanding, and having grand parents with them would no longer be a pain like some of us might have felt during our growing up years. It can fun time all the time, we can be great stress busters for all of them.
    As they say, there can be no rule books to follow for parents.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This is such a nice commentary on the modern day parents and grandparents who have witnessed enormous changes and coped with them well. Thanks Rama for do much value add!

      Delete
  31. Parenting is a big responsibility. I guess we all want to do a good job and we wish we could be perfect. But then again, you're right, one size does not fit all. What works for one family/culture may not work for others. And the way we parent is kind of influenced by the way we were brought up, right?
    It's a balance between so many things. Sometimes I feel I know just what to do and sometimes I'm at a loss. Having grown up in one country and having to bring up kids on the other side of the world seems to make it really tough. :/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Divya for that elaborate comment and it can make me feel the pride in a young mother who is doing a fine balancing act to maintain a cultural identity at the same time bring up children on a foreign soil!I wish you all the best as you once again get ready for motherhood and am sure with your profound knowledge you would do an excellent job :)

      Delete