The Shades of Grey

In the land of Khajuraho  and Sun Temple at Konark the question on ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ to Premarital sex  looks a little preposterous ?  Vatsayana  the author of ‘Kamasutra ‘ known world over for the profound text and graphics  would have surely  have turned in his grave especially seeing the reality today! Strange as though it may seem, we have gone through the full cycle and are now once again looking at merits or otherwise of virginity! Our ancient sites, temples and texts are a testimony of what India gave to the rest of the world in terms of the ‘teachings of love’ from times immemorial.

One hears voices of protest against celebrating Valentine’s Day, ‘Kiss of Love’ and ‘Love Jihad’ that keep rattling the peace of our nation. We seem to get carried away on the slightest provocation that our culture is in danger though it has withstood the test of time for more than 5000 years! What anyone does unfortunately becomes concern of a few, self appointed guardians for, moral policing!

The recent  HT-MarS Youth Survey  reveals some very strange statistics like the 63% of the youth still prefer a virgin wife at the time of marriage, and 61% believe that pre- marital sex is not taboo anymore! This shows the current contradiction in our ‘patriarchal society’. In other words, double standards are maintained, ’to say one thing and practice something altogether different’ . Strangely, another fact that was revealed in the survey was the fact that 21% of males and 4% of females of the rural population have engaged in pre- marital sex compared to the city counterparts where 11% males and 2% females have gone through similar experiences! If this was true then it implies that libido of rural folk is much stronger compared to their urban counterparts which may not be true! The bigger worry is that a majority of those that were surveyed were ignorant of the sexually transmitted infections or disease (STI/STD) and the pregnancies that could result as an aftermath.  Thus, without knowing the consequences a majority indulge in this recklessly and have to not only face a social stigma but also severe medical consequences especially if it involves STD, pregnancy or abortion.

In India any discussion on the subject is considered taboo and even the education is not considered necessary as no formal forum exists for the same. Most of the youngsters learn from their friends who have half- baked information, which is dangerous! An informed choice is always better than taking a plunge unknowingly. 

Some trendsetters in this direction that need to be mentioned are  books like 'Lolita' by Vladimar Nabokov  published in 1955 involving a 38 year old professor Humbert who gets involved with young 12  year old girl Dolores( Lolita)! A series of movies directed by Vilgot Sjomon a Swedish national titled 'I am Curious'( Yellow) in 1967 and 'I am Curious'( Blue) in 1968, set off a wave of display of nudity and sex in mainstream cinema. The Blue and Yellow being colors of the Swedish flag! ' No Sex Please, We are British' was one of the longest running play in UK during 1971. This was a story of a bank manager Peter who lives with his newly wedded wife Frances. One day Frances orders Scandinaivan glassware but gets a lot of pornographic material that threatens to destroy their happily married life. Globally this started a wave of new level of permissiveness!

The new trend of 'on line dating' sites has opened another opportunity for experimenting by both the sexes and exploring new vistas!Hence the premarital and even post marital relationships are seeing radical changes which were not defined in the realms of fidelity more than a decade back!

How could we have been left behind? With the changes that are sweeping the country and boom of technology, so much information is available just by a click of mouse! All of it is not knowledge based but more to set the imagination on fire thus making the issue even more complex. All humans are not same and a lot of conditioning from the childhood goes a long way in developing our sexual attitudes later in our life, though this is not a must! There could be more than ‘fifty shades of grey’ when it comes to individuals sexual preferences. Thus to brand something as right or wrong or a choice of yes or no on this subject is not a fair treatise! Hence being judgmental on this subject without weighing the all-pros and cons would be unfair, though most of the institutions, the church and almost every religion do not approve of the Pre -Marital sex !

PS: 1. This post is my entry to the "Yes or No to PreMarital Sex' sponsored by  Being Social/Poonam Uppal and Indiblogger(Poonaam Uppal's True Love - A Mystical True Love Story on Flipkart.)
     2. Image Kind courtesy Google