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Sunday, December 21, 2014

The Shades of Grey


In the land of Khajuraho  and Sun Temple at Konark the question on ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ to Premarital sex  looks a little preposterous ?  Vatsayana  the author of ‘Kamasutra ‘ known world over for the profound text and graphics  would have surely  have turned in his grave especially seeing the reality today! Strange as though it may seem, we have gone through the full cycle and are now once again looking at merits or otherwise of virginity! Our ancient sites, temples and texts are a testimony of what India gave to the rest of the world in terms of the ‘teachings of love’ from times immemorial.

One hears voices of protest against celebrating Valentine’s Day, ‘Kiss of Love’ and ‘Love Jihad’ that keep rattling the peace of our nation. We seem to get carried away on the slightest provocation that our culture is in danger though it has withstood the test of time for more than 5000 years! What anyone does unfortunately becomes concern of a few, self appointed guardians for, moral policing!

The recent  HT-MarS Youth Survey  reveals some very strange statistics like the 63% of the youth still prefer a virgin wife at the time of marriage, and 61% believe that pre- marital sex is not taboo anymore! This shows the current contradiction in our ‘patriarchal society’. In other words, double standards are maintained, ’to say one thing and practice something altogether different’ . Strangely, another fact that was revealed in the survey was the fact that 21% of males and 4% of females of the rural population have engaged in pre- marital sex compared to the city counterparts where 11% males and 2% females have gone through similar experiences! If this was true then it implies that libido of rural folk is much stronger compared to their urban counterparts which may not be true! The bigger worry is that a majority of those that were surveyed were ignorant of the sexually transmitted infections or disease (STI/STD) and the pregnancies that could result as an aftermath.  Thus, without knowing the consequences a majority indulge in this recklessly and have to not only face a social stigma but also severe medical consequences especially if it involves STD, pregnancy or abortion.

In India any discussion on the subject is considered taboo and even the education is not considered necessary as no formal forum exists for the same. Most of the youngsters learn from their friends who have half- baked information, which is dangerous! An informed choice is always better than taking a plunge unknowingly. 

Some trendsetters in this direction that need to be mentioned are  books like 'Lolita' by Vladimar Nabokov  published in 1955 involving a 38 year old professor Humbert who gets involved with young 12  year old girl Dolores( Lolita)! A series of movies directed by Vilgot Sjomon a Swedish national titled 'I am Curious'( Yellow) in 1967 and 'I am Curious'( Blue) in 1968, set off a wave of display of nudity and sex in mainstream cinema. The Blue and Yellow being colors of the Swedish flag! ' No Sex Please, We are British' was one of the longest running play in UK during 1971. This was a story of a bank manager Peter who lives with his newly wedded wife Frances. One day Frances orders Scandinaivan glassware but gets a lot of pornographic material that threatens to destroy their happily married life. Globally this started a wave of new level of permissiveness!

The new trend of 'on line dating' sites has opened another opportunity for experimenting by both the sexes and exploring new vistas!Hence the premarital and even post marital relationships are seeing radical changes which were not defined in the realms of fidelity more than a decade back!

How could we have been left behind? With the changes that are sweeping the country and boom of technology, so much information is available just by a click of mouse! All of it is not knowledge based but more to set the imagination on fire thus making the issue even more complex. All humans are not same and a lot of conditioning from the childhood goes a long way in developing our sexual attitudes later in our life, though this is not a must! There could be more than ‘fifty shades of grey’ when it comes to individuals sexual preferences. Thus to brand something as right or wrong or a choice of yes or no on this subject is not a fair treatise! Hence being judgmental on this subject without weighing the all-pros and cons would be unfair, though most of the institutions, the church and almost every religion do not approve of the Pre -Marital sex !

PS: 1. This post is my entry to the "Yes or No to PreMarital Sex' sponsored by  Being Social/Poonam Uppal and Indiblogger(Poonaam Uppal's True Love - A Mystical True Love Story on Flipkart.)
     2. Image Kind courtesy Google

26 comments:

  1. India is one nation where we are pros at creating mountains out of mole hills and ignore things that really need to be worked upon. This is one classic example of the same scenario. No sex education, but moral policing on what is right and wrong and in accordance with the so called Indian culture.

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    1. A big nation as being held back by small people with petty thoughts on every front, Akanksha! I fully empathize with what you say and observe!

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  2. Well researched, interesting, informative and thought provoking !

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  3. Actually there is nothing right or wrong, it all depends on each person's perception. Of course , double standards should never be entertained. In the west children are encouraged to have sex, if they are not, parents start worrying about their children. They want their children to experience, and finally choose, the one person they want to spend their whole life, it doesn't matter to them whether it ends up in a live in relationship or marriage.
    Also they don't have stigma attached to such relationship,or to divorce or a single mother factor, they also have support from their government.
    Whereas, here we have only policing, no support for anybody/ We are the biggest hypocrites.

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    1. A person so widely trraveled like you, Rama is able to gauge the true sentiment behind the post! We have limited our vision so much that no amount of vision improving devices seem to work now, but with time we are heading towards a blind alley!

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  4. I think well informed decisions are to be respected. Whether one abstains or get engaged in pre marital sex should be a personal decision. Society as a whole should should stop being so judgemental.

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    1. I feel happy that a young reader like you have such a maturity of thought , Jyot!

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  5. Either way there are shortcomings, one has to learn to deal with them with their choice.

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    1. Every coin has two faces but here the coin can stand mid way and judgements should not cloud our vision!

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  6. Very well articulated post Rahul. It is the doublespeak, the double standards and double laws that have ruined and are continuing to ruin the social, moral and ethical fabric of our country. And from the looks of it, it will take many centuries for it to change and go back to the times of long ago when things were more equal -- to the times of satyug. Yes, there was a time when we were a more credible society before historians and interpreters of our sacred texts distorted them beyond recognition and brought us to this pass.

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    1. You havee hit the nail on the head, Zephyr!It is sometime suffocating to see so much of wrongdoing to support our outdated beliefs that have no place in todays world more so the retrograde that bring a bad name to humanity be it related to sex, religion, marriage or institutions ! Thanks for such a exhaustive and elightening comment!

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  7. A well researched and informative post Rahul. Yes, we live in a land of hypocrisy and sham where parents shy away from discussing issues like sex with their children , leaving them to the mercy of their friends and the internet to learn things.
    Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas and a Very Happy New Year to you.

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  8. Thanks Rachna! Sadly, the hypocrisy is playing havoc with character of most Indians as we say one thing and do something opposite leaving a huge trust deficit and zero deficit in matters of sex:( Have a great New Year and lots of fun!

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  9. What an interesting post. I feel it's best to be honest and open about these issues.

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  10. Yes, it is bothersome that we continue to propagate antiquated beliefs, those which do not really seem to have any basis even in our culture. Good luck and a nice post.

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    1. Thank you Rachna for reading! We continue reaping the crop of uncouth double standards that were sown and still being nurtured! Sigh!!

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  11. It is weird that we believe in maintaining such false standards of morality. Well articulated post! All the best for contest, Mr Bhatia.

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    1. Thanks Shilpa that you found the post to ring in sentiments generally shared by right thinking ( So I believe!)

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  12. Sex is not dirty, it's people and all these taboos and stigmas that make it dirty.

    This is one of your best posts, Rahul.

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    1. It is certainly not dirty, but interpretations as per own convenience as you rightly mentioned, Purba have sadly made it a 'hush hush dirty' subject! I am honored with your appreciation:)

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  13. Sex education at the high school level is best, I feel. Let the children learn about safe sex etc. and the draw backs of indulging in it without knowing about the diseases etc. Strangers should be avoided. So, the number of rapes might come down. Boys also should be taught to respect girls, their pains and feelings. Will it ever happen here? Girls should be supported if something bad happens to them instead of blaming them.....let us dream for a clean, happy society here, in our country.

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    1. Actually as you rightly said, so many things are interlinked! We need to make many changes sooner than one would like them!

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  14. mother-daughter are embarrassed to talk about it, father-son cant discuss the subject freely as they children grow up. There's just fuss about the topic. As long as one is mature enough to know what he/she is getting into and they can deal with what follows, who are we to judge others.
    Nice post Rahul Sir.
    Merry Xmas to you, ma'm and your father
    Stay blessed
    Regards...:)

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    1. I know waht exactly you mean that needs a change! Am sure you would see things improving for better in you lifetime Monica! All well at my end and hope the same at yours too! My best wishes to you and your mom and a lovely time ahead!

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